Couples Therapy
Molly Burrets, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
If you and your partner are struggling to find happiness together or feel close, couples therapy can be helpful.
The average couple has a problem in their relationship for six years before seeking help from a relationship expert.
The longer these challenges go unaddressed, the harder they may be to resolve. While all relationships experience periods of distress, working with a well-trained therapist to address them can prevent additional damage.
Why wait so long? Well, there are a few common reasons.
Misconceptions about couples therapy may lead you to believe that you should be able to figure it out on your own and that therapy is only sought as a “last-ditch effort”
The pressure to maintain appearances of relationship satisfaction to the outside world perpetuates a stigma of couples therapy that prevents people from getting help
It may be difficult to find a therapist who has specific training in couples therapy. The vast majority of therapists who see couples are only trained in treating individuals, which, if applied to couples, is rarely successful
The reality is that very few people are taught communication skills, ways to manage challenging emotions, or how to promote intimacy with a partner. That’s not a failing of the individual, but rather is something our culture simply hasn’t prioritized that we learn.
The good news is that it’s never too late.
In couples therapy, I teach you how to incorporate learned skills like emotion regulation and voicing your needs into your relationship dynamic.
With help, you can learn how to resolve conflict and overcome relationship trauma.
DOWNLOAD MY GUIDE TO HEALTHY COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES DURING CONFLICT.
My Approach to Couples Therapy
I’m committed to supporting your emotional experience while helping you improve your relationship with research-backed treatment models.
My role as a therapist is to create a safe space where you and your partner can feel supported to do work that is often uncomfortable and challenging. I have navigated the difficulties that intimate relationships can present and know how vulnerable you may feel seeking help with these issues.
Evidence-based Treatment
“Evidence-based” means that there is scientific evidence that these
treatments are effective.
Having spent seven years at the doctoral and post-doctoral levels in intensive training to conduct psychotherapy with couples, I’ve developed expertise in multiple evidence-based treatment models.
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I have received advanced training in:
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT)
Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Therapy
Insight-Oriented Couples Therapy
Your lived experience and the way that culture plays a role in your life and relationships are of the utmost importance to me. I have also undergone culturally sensitive training to enable me to provide a safe therapeutic space for clients from marginalized communities and often work with couples who are female-identifying, gender non-binary, queer, lesbian, or ethically non-monogamous.
During our first meetings, I am dedicated to understanding the reason you are seeking therapy. I will ask about your backgrounds and relationship histories as well as your goals for our work.
I will conduct a formal assessment of your strengths and problem areas as a couple using scientifically validated measures of relationship satisfaction. You will have the opportunity to ask questions and address any fears or concerns about couples therapy.
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I then develop a customized plan to help support your goals. Our plan may include building better communication and conflict resolution skills or increasing intimacy by promoting safety and authenticity in the relationship. Every couple is different, so your customized plan will ensure we address your most immediate needs to improve satisfaction in your relationship.
We may also identify any difficult dynamics you or your partner may have established early in life as a result of unmet needs with a primary caregiver. These attachment injuries can play out in your intimate relationships in adulthood to the detriment of the relationship.
Understanding how these vulnerabilities show up in your relationship today can empower you to make different, healthier choices. I will give you the tools to recognize and cope with these learned patterns so you can support yourself and your partner when these dynamics emerge.
In seventeen years of working with couples, I have developed expertise in several sub-specialties, including:
Specialties
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Sexual infidelity is a prevalent issue among couples in the U.S. Studies suggest that as many as 20-25% of all couples will face this issue in their lifetime. The impact of an extramarital affair can cause trauma, with symptoms consistent with PTSD. An affair can be very difficult to overcome — which is why infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce. I address infidelity with a three-stage model of recovery during which you will:
1) Cope with and manage the crisis period following the discovery or disclosure of an affair
2) Understand why the affair occurred and make greater meaning of this experience
3) Make a decision to move forward — together or apart
To learn more about this treatment model, I suggest the following text:
Getting Past The Affair by Douglas K. Snyder, Ph.D., Donald H. Baucom, Ph.D., & Kristina Coop Gordon, Ph.D.
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Though pregnancy loss is still rarely discussed, somewhere between 10 and 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Women between the ages of 35-45 experience pregnancy loss at even higher rates (20-50%).
Pregnancy loss is often a precursor to treatment for infertility, which comes with its own unique challenges.
Reproductive issues, and the treatments associated with them, put an enormous strain on relationships. Emotional stress, depression, resentment, grief, sexual and financial distress are all common challenges for couples having difficulty conceiving or carrying a child to term. Please know that you are not alone. I am intimately familiar with the challenges of pregnancy loss and infertility and have dedicated much of my practice to working with couples experiencing this stressor.
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Arguments are a natural part of relationships. But there are healthy ways to manage conflict with your partner and damaging ways. For couples who struggle to resolve conflict without causing emotional harm to one another, treatment drawing upon elements of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be helpful. I am intensively trained in full protocol DBT and apply these practices to couples experiencing high conflict.
Using this model, I teach tools like mindfulness, interpersonal skills, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation. These skills help you better understand the nature of your conflicts and why they occur. You’ll also learn to manage challenging emotions while seeking a resolution.
Note: Couples therapy is not recommended for people who are experiencing intimate partner violence. Couples therapy is likely to bring up difficult feelings and may exacerbate physical violence in a relationship. If you are physically unsafe in your relationship, go to https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1.800.799.SAFE for support and resources.
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The birth of your first child is an exciting time. It also comes with new stressors you haven’t yet faced in your relationship. There may be financial worries, disruptions to your sex life, and conflict around the division of childcare and household labor.
Every expanding family experiences some level of upheaval upon the baby’s arrival. Couples can navigate this transition more easily with help. In couples therapy, you can determine how each partner’s role may need to change so you can better support each other. I will teach you to discuss your needs with your partner clearly, offer each other emotional support, and find moments to express appreciation.
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Aside from the extraordinary pain caused by the loss of a child, the greatest challenge of parental bereavement is that both partners suffer the traumatic experience at the same time. In relationships, you rely on your partner for love and support. When both individuals are grief-stricken by the death of a child and are simultaneously in distress, it’s very difficult to provide support to one another.
After the loss of a child, it’s common for couples to also experience sexual issues, differences in navigating the grief process, difficulty parenting surviving children, and overwhelming feelings of guilt and blame.
To move forward from this shattering experience and the challenges that often accompany it, I help my clients navigate the grief process. Grief can actually be a powerful way to cultivate connection and redefine the relationship moving forward.
Download my guide to the crisis period after the discovery or disclosure of an affair.
The disclosure or discovery of an affair is often a traumatic experience, and the immediate aftermath can be chaotic and confusing. Whether you are the participating or the injured partner, it may be difficult to know the best way to care for yourself and your children. I’ve created a list of Do’s and Don’ts as a starting point to help guide you through the crisis period.
Getting Started With In-Person Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
I offer in-person couples therapy to people who live in and around Los Angeles and Pasadena. For couples who are residents of the state of California but not living in the L.A. area, virtual therapy is an excellent option and can be equally effective.
For a variety of reasons, local clients sometimes prefer online sessions over in-person — or a combination of the two — which I’m more than happy to accommodate.
Personality fit is as critical to achieving positive therapeutic outcomes as training and credentials. I encourage you to schedule a free consultation so that you can get a feel for who I am and ask any questions you may have about the way I work.
It’s normal for sex to change over the course of a relationship. Download my guide to cruising your way out of a dry spell.
A change in frequency or quality of sex in a relationship can be anxiety provoking - but it’s also an opportunity for growth.